Limited.

I want to be and do a lot of things. I want to be a great friend, daughter and sister. I want to be inspiring, want to do great things for people, I want to help out. Help those people who's going through the tuff stuff I went through, still going through. I want to help people with the loneliness that can feel almost to hard to bare.  I want to be strong, brave, a port in the storm. But for so long I've been a prisoner of my own hell. It's like my feelings no longer belong to me. Instead it's like I'm borrowing them and I can't really understand them because they're not originally from me. I'm not sure how to get the control back, the balance and as long  as its like this I feel so limited.

The bad is much to much.

"bad stuff happens to people, that's just a part of life" "it seems like a pretty big part" "that's why you have to believe that life is more than the sum of its parts" From the movie United states of Lealand

15 things to give up.

Take time to read this, you wont be sorry.

http://www.purposefairy.com/3308/15-things-you-should-give-up-in-order-to-be-happy/

Real life.

A memory #1

we're sitting under colonels tent, maybe hiding out from the sun for bit. Or maybe it's night time and we're hiding out from the crowd around the camp fire. It's the usual crew Xtina, Xara, brother Devon, Baba and me. Maybe a few others or a few less but theses ones always popes up once or twice while we're sat here, which is most of the time.

So what did we do while sat there? Nothing special, just talking shit about life and listen to music while having a few beers and stuff. It was the best of times, doing nothing at all but hanging out. Life was that simple, that easy, that great. But all good things have to come to an end, so I've heard. My question is "why"!?

The thing I miss the most when back home, besides the surfing, is the thing I think I took the most for granted while in Oz. How extremely easy it was to hang out. It was just so effortless. When we didn't have anything to do we did something together even if that something was doing nothing it was still great. Back home we have to plan weeks ahead to get togeather, it sucks to be honest.

In my dreams .

I knew I was going to miss it, I knew it and I tried to do it as often as I could and cherice it everytime. But now, back home, all I can think of is surfing. I've tried so many different sports in my life and ofcourse I have to fall in love with the one I can't do here in Sweden.
Maybe, hopefully, if dreams come true, in the future I'll find a way to work it into my life. And in my dreams that would be more then just a surf vacation for a week once a year…
If you want something bad enough, dreams could come true right?

Remeniscing .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2H5QXetIRm0

Real life .

Life's quite different since the last post, six months ago.
I'm back home, since a month. And I've managed to sort my self out a bit. I'm back working at the hospital, I'm starting school next week and I've started to run again. It feels good to have sorted some stuff out but at the same time it's a bit scary. I've been back a month, it feels like a year. Australia, the people, the surfing, it all feels so long ago. I don't want to be bitter and I don't think I am. It's just, it's scary being back. It's going to take time to adapt. I have to get into the rutines again. Haha, but instead of doing that I'm just hiding on the sofa, watching greys anatomy, not thinking about life at all. Either that or I'm dreaming about being back on the beach and on the waves again.
I wonder how long it's going to take. Til I'm readjusted and functioning properly in real life again, if I ever will?

I'm well happy to be back with my people though! xxx

Loving life ,

I'm on such a high right now. Life is treating me pretty fucking awesome. Yesterday I had a day off, I had two great surf sessions and two great hours on the beach taking photos of some of the surf coaches here, that's like ridiculously great surfers. Fell asleep at 9, totally high on life and knackered from a great day. Life <3



Morgan Dittman surfing.


Jesse Dittman surfing.




Carl Boucher



Reese surfing.

Jimmy surfing.





Fletcher Carney surfing.

Seize it .

Take a breath & seize it, seize the surroundings, the air, the smells, the beauty of it all, of being right here.
Sometimes I forget, sometimes I'm ashamed because I forget how fucking lucky I am. Somedays I want to smack myself in the head and say "Hey ! Stop moping about shit and open your eyes, you don't get another experience like this !"

I do love it here, so, so much. I love waking up in the morning and go and have a served breakfast and after go and have a surf check from the bridge and then get in a wetsuit and go for a surf, whatever the conditions are, because even if it's kind of shit waves, it's always great to get out there, even just for a paddle, I love how the ocean makes you feel. When you get out in the water everything else just goes away, it's you, the waves & your board, there is nothing better.

It's Opossum .

So in one month my second Spot X era is coming to an end and that will probably be the last goodbye to this place, don't think I'm going to return anytime soon, pretty sad, but the good times has been many.
So my second time here hasn't been anything like the first time, and ofcourse I didn't expect that, I expected it to be different, but not like this.
As a friend said the other day "You allready had your crew here once" and even if there's some really cool people here now, I can't help but to compare to the crew we had back in the days and how much more it felt as a family back then. I love the guys here I do and I still love this place, but it's time to move on. My Spot X time is out, I realized that now.

So next month it's my birthday the 24th then there's a festival at the camp from the 25th to the 27th and I'm leaving the 27th to go to Yamba once again ! Staying there for like 2 and a half week, then down to Sydney, see Lee again and probably the last time befor I'm flying out. After Sydney I'm going down to Melbourne to spend christmas and new years there with Cissi and some friends. Then around the 23 of jan we're flying to Bali to meet up with Charlotta, I'm so excited !! Can't belive the time has gone by so fast, only 3 months left in Australia and in like 4-5 months I'll be back home ! Crazy ! But am excited too to meet everyone back home again !

L o v e .

Whales jumping, Arrawarra beach .

Dream it, Live it, Love it .

3/10, 3

3 ar, 3 ar, 3 ar, kan inte greppa inneborden utav det.
Pratade med en kar van far nagra manader sedan och var helt saker pa att det var 2 ar, hanger inte riktigt med.
Infor 3e oktober hade jag som mest hamlangtan har i australien hittills, ville vara med mina nara och kara, dem som vet, dem som kanner mig. Men det visade sig att det kandes som om dem var med mig i alla fall, ni vet, ni var med mig i hjartat. Och jag har delat med mig utav min historia till ett par personer har och dem var sa fina och tog hand om mig igar. Hangde med mig och bara fanns dar, dagen gick sa mycket snabbare an jag trodde.
Och nu ar det ar 4, livet gar vidare, vare sig vi vill eller inte. Men nagot jag har lart mig ar att uppskatta det, livet, njuta utav allt som jag blir given i karlek och upplevelser.

The hole that you left will never ever be filled, but, with all the love I ever got from you, and all the love I'm being given today, the hole seems easier and easier to baer with.
I love you, jag alskar dig, my most beautiful one, min allra vackraste, one day we'll meet again, en dag ses vi igen, det ar jag nastan saker pa...



"I carry your heart with me ( I carry it in my heart)
I am never with out it, anywhere I go you go my dear,
and whatever is done by only me is you doing my darling"

Dude, let's go surfiin .

As my friend "Nadua/Mr.Lady/Timon" would say if someone asks "Are you a good surfer" : "I love surfing" couldn't say if I'm good or bad, just that, I really love surfing, there isn't any better feeling in the world, not that I know of so far anyway.

MISS/MY/FAMILY .

Birds of tokyo .

Monday night we're a couple of people from the camp going to Coffs harbour to see theese amazing dudes, excited !!!